jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
