you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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