I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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