You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
