I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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