you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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