I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize