U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
True strength comes from lack of pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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