Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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