ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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