i think i have two assholes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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