winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT