clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We are all done wearing pants today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.