i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.