his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do