Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.