She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning