At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!