Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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