I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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