He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
