Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
