I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You're like the curious george of whores
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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