you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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