i just sent this text using only my big toe
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
