My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
