Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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