I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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