Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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