I just threw up on my dentist
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
