Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
