Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Will exercising make me less horny?
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