Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize