I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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