Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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