I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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