So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
