Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
