I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
