also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
