Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
