Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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