All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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