I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize