Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
