For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
