2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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