glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
