I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
