I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
