saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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