my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
