I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Floor bacon is actually really good
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
