I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
PANTIES FOUND
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
