She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
