I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
