The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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