I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Randomize
