if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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