escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
