there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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