I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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