he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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