i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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