Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't turn off my feet"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
