I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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