Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
