You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
