i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
