Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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